can you believe this crap?! from the papers of diana freeburg

worlds most fascinating college graduate

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Dear Diary,
Several notable things have happened in the last couple days. I took the greyhound for the first time on the westcoast. (I took it last spring to Worchester MA from NYC, it was kind of like... being in hell?) While i was at the station in portland, first the blasted candy machine stole my dollar, and then i gave 6 bucks to this dude who was freaking out. He had a whole bunch of money fanned out in his hands and he was walking around saying desperately, "i just need 6 more bucks to get home, 6 more bucks to get home, can you help me please?!" he ended up on my bus and once he got on he didn't even say hi to me. It made me mad, I wanted to be like HEY BUDDY, if it wasn't for ME you wouldn't even be ON this BUS so you could at least say HI! turns out i'm not so selfless after all. a selfless person wouldn't have been bothered by the fact that there was absolutely no sense of gratitude. I'm not only selfish, I'm also going to hell. The girl in front of me on the bus happened to be writing a letter on her laptop. so i sneakily took a glance at it, curiosity killed the cat, right? then i realized she was writing an extremely long letter to GOd. and when i realized how intensely personal it was, I KEPT reading, because it was really juicy. and now i'm writing about it on the internet.
My grandma's in heaven, right, because she's Catholic. Not to mention an excellent Catholic. and I bet they have internet access in heaven. I bet she still reads my website, because she did when she was alive, and she is thinking, that girl did not learn that type of sneaky behavior from me! i'm sorry grandma.
My brother and I went to a cocktail party tonight, full of Macalester grads and Americorps volunteers. People even wore ties and dresses. 3 different girls complimented me on my pants. I introduced myself to people three separate times. the first time the person said, "I'm sorry, did you say Dana? the second time the person was like "Diane?" and then after i introduced myself for the 3rd time, the girl said, "Did you say Shannon?" My brother wants to know why I'm shy at these parties, could it be because no one even listens to me say my name? Is it my fault? this happens a lot...
One particular lad who was not wearing a tie, who on more than one occasion apologized profusely for his boisterous attitude, got extra hammered and started yelling at the top of his lungs, "are there any Cougs in the house? ANY COUGS? it was embarassing for all parties involved. He was definitely the only coug in a room of mostly liberal arts grads, and not doing much to improve their overall image.
Love,
Diana

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Dear Diary,
registration for classes at this campus is different now than it used to be. I'm sure in the pre-computer days, it involved standing in lines in crowded rooms and shrieking at the registrars minions. high stress. But I don't know how much has changed. Now it means all of the sophmores last names F-L rush to their computers at 7:40 on the designated day and desperately try to log into web advisor, instead shrieking at the screen, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN "maximum number of sessions reached!??!" if i don't get into statistics I'll DIE!! And you get to see the available spots in your classes disappear on the screen, one by one, while you sit there unable to log in. it's terrible.
if me and math have been having a war this semester, I think math just won. i wave my little tattered white flag.
Love,
Diana

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Dear Diary,
My roommate did a project in photography where she took lots of pictures of me. can you think of a better subject? me neither. It was pretty fun. Anyways, there was one that I liked so asked her to print out another for me. So she did, but then today apparently someone stole it from the drying rack in the photo lab. So some creepo has a stolen picture of me.. I think it's safe to assume that if he/she is stealing my pictures he/she is also reading my website. So I just wanted to say, this is no way to begin what could be a beautiful friendship. I'm totally approachable...
I found the song "summer girls" by LFO on my school network. Best thing that's happenned all week.
Love,
Diana

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Dear Diary,
My room is filled with dead kleenexes and dead flowers, and I'm listening to Brighteyes whine on Itunes. How morbid. Its not such a scary place, really. I would hate to mislead you. It can be downright cheeful in here at times.
I am boycotting the Bon after last nights terrible terrible dinner. And i'm not usually a complainer but it was pretty bad. So here i am with my cheezits and top ramen, feeling sorry for myself.
My funnybones are all tired. sorry guys.
Love,
Diana
"I sag with my daddy, i sag with my momma, i go to bed and sag my pajamas. " -afroman

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Dear Diary,
I have just returned from the longest train ride of my life. We were delayed for two hours in Tacoma because there was a body on the tracks. When we found out that someone had died I think some of the passengers felt like assholes for making a fuss about the delay. Me, I just continued to watch the terrifically (in a bad way) creepy movie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and then read my novel that sounds trashier than it is. It's called "Good in Bed." I like it because the heroine is annoying and screws up all the time but she's still funny. Any other author and you'd want to stop after 150+ pages of the heroine sulking about an ex-boyfriend who's moved on, and being overweight, but for some reason i just want more.
Now it's getting late. I've got two frosted strawberry poptarts staring me in the face, and a dull homework assignment that shouldn't be this painful. If I eat the poptarts now I won't have any poptarts tomorrow. If i only eat one poptart I'll just spend the rest of the night thinking about the other poptart. I'm mostly just sad that the box will be empty soon. too soon.
Love,
Diana